she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
