Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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