is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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