she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
