I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
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