My friends, they love my intelligence
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
