I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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