if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
