omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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