dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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