Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
