I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
