I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
