I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
