I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
