Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
