you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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