Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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