My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He better not be in your backpack
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
