also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
