well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
