Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
