Buhtt sex?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
