Yo dont text me then not text me
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
