we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
