I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
