someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
