I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
