i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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