weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
