ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
