my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
