got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
