Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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