tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
