I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
