I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
