Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
