Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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