Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
The ass gains better be worth it
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