sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
