Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
