The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
