all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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