Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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