4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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