whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
