whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Randomize
