Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I can't turn off my feet"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
