No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
