Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
