Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
