Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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