Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
