I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
dude i'm inner monologue high
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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